Only when we grow older and start carrying responsibilities ourselves do we slowly realise that behind every strict word, every decision, every argument, there was concern.

There was love.

This Father’s Day, I want to talk about those small things we rarely appreciated while growing up.

The scolding that was actually love

My father used to scold me a lot. For studying, for my handwriting, even for how I used to sit. When I was in school, I thought he was so annoying. He is always poking me for something. But now I realise that of course he had to scold me when I was young. All the small things he corrected needed time to improve. If he did not notice those things back then, I would probably still be writing like a cockroach ran across my notebook. Even though that is still sort of how I write. At that age, scolding feels irritating. It feels like they are always finding faults in us. But later you understand that fathers do not always know how to show care gently. For many fathers, the scolding itself is love. The constant reminders are care. The shouting is concern hidden behind frustration. Mothers often express love with softness. Fathers often express it with discipline.

The “abrupt” decisions

There were many times my father suddenly came to me and told me what I had to do. Which university I should study in. Which subject I should choose. And I used to get so angry. How can you decide something about my life without even discussing it with me? It made me feel like he did not care about my opinions or choices at all. But now that I am wearing adult shoes, I realise nothing he chose was ever abrupt. Behind every decision were days of sleepless nights, discussions with friends and family, searching through options and worrying constantly about my future. I am his daughter. Nothing he decided for me was ever careless. Before making any choice, the first thing in his mind was my wellbeing. Whether I would be safe. Whether I would have a secure future. Whether I would regret my decisions later in life. Parents carry fear that children often do not see. And fathers especially carry it silently.

The arguments we never understood

There were countless arguments where I could never convince him. No matter how much I explained myself, he remained determined that I had to do what he chose for me. At that moment it felt horrible. Like talking to a wall. Like not being understood at all. But now I realise that I was only seeing one small part of life. I had not lived as long as he had. I had not experienced the things he experienced. Of course fathers are not flawless. They make mistakes too. But many times, it is those exact mistakes they are trying to save us from. He understood that I wanted certain things with all my heart. He knew that if I did not get them, I would feel like the world had ended. But he also knew that in the bigger picture, in the long run, those things might not be good for me. Sometimes protection does not feel gentle. Sometimes protection feels like restriction.

Fathers and communication

I have been blessed with a father with whom I can talk about almost anything. He is like a friend to me. He never judges me or blames me for my grave mistakes. But I know many people do not have that kind of relationship with their fathers. Many children grow up feeling there is always a boundary between them and their father. A line they cannot cross. A fear that he will not understand. And honestly, fathers are not always built to express emotions openly. They have spent most of their lives carrying responsibilities, dealing with work, pressure and providing. Many of them were never taught how to communicate deeply either. Those soft emotional skills were never nurtured properly in them, and that does not mean they do not care. You can still talk to them. You can still share things with them. He may scold you, he may react harshly, he may even beat you, but he would never stop wanting to help you. As we grow older, we also have to cut some slack for our fathers. They are learning too.

Fighting with mother because of you

There might have been times when your father fought with your mother because of one of your failures. Maybe he blamed her for not taking proper care of you or your studies. And during those moments you blamed yourself too. You felt like you were the reason for all the chaos in your home. Now, of course, violence should never be tolerated. And I am not talking about extreme situations. But many times, behind those arguments, there is fear and concern. Fathers spend all day outside fighting with the world to provide for their families. Naturally, they expect the person at home to look after the children closely. So when something disappointing happens, their frustration first goes towards the person caring for the home. That does not make it right. But, to some extent, we should understand where that reaction is coming from. So do not carry the burden of blaming yourself for every argument at home. Instead, try to understand one thing clearly. Your father is worried about you. Concern is often hidden beneath anger.

Fathers may be strict. They may scold a lot. Some may even be very harsh at times. But they are also people who would stand against the whole world for their children. They will protect you no matter what. They will silently sacrifice things you may never even find out about. They will carry stress alone just so you can sleep peacefully.

And most of the time, they will never ask for appreciation.

All they want is for their children to be safe, successful and happy.

This Father’s Day, maybe we should stop looking only at the anger, the rules and the strictness. Maybe we should try looking at the love hidden underneath all of it. This time, instead of thinking about what material gifts you can buy them, just understand them.

Understanding is also a form of love.