Tearing and throwing away the last page of my third notepad, I started making my pen walk on a fresh page of the new one. Suddenly in a drowsy voice, Todd said, “So when are you planning to amaze me by your new masterpiece, or is it still a work in progress?” I pretended to be super focused in my work that I didn’t notice what he said. But that was a one-time pass, because that trick couldn’t stop me from getting distracted hearing what he said next. “I am sure you have lost your edge in writing, and I bet you didn’t even decide the name of the protagonist of your story yet. I doubt you even wrote two full sentences”. This time I turned around from my revolving chair and protested, “I did decide on the name of the protagonist, but I just can’t decide the story line.” “So, who is your protagonist this time? Is it a boy, or a girl, or an animal, who or what is it, hmm? “
I rolled my eyes, like the answer was so obvious. Then he asked, or, I would say he stated, “So it’s me again, right?” And there was no way of denying it even though I wish I could have. He said in a deep voice “Why do you always write about me? Which persona of mine attracts you to always make me the lead of all your stories? Why you try to send all your messages in your stories through me? I replied, “You obviously know the reason. And the reason is that you are my only friend and my constant companion.” Well, it was not a lie. But it was only half of the truth.
“So why don’t you make any new friends? You had a lot of friends before you met me. You didn’t even notice me until your 8th birthday.” Hearing that, I felt something piercing through my heart, as all the memories started rushing through my head, and I felt like waves of current passing through my body. My eyes got reddened, and moist. But I tried to gulp down the tears that were so ready to fall.
I asked him, “Do you hate me for what happened to your leg?” With a playful smile on his face, he said “Are you joking? If this wouldn’t have happened, then how would I have got the chance to be your best friend? If someone would have asked me, I would have even traded my other leg to be the best friend of someone who would always make me the hero in all her stories.”
Listening to him, a small smile curved on my lips. Then I took the crutch, which was standing beside my table, and holding onto it, I went near the bed. Placing the crutch near the window, I sat on my bed beside him. I looked outside through the window and said “You are the last blessing from mom. If I had known better, I would have taken better care of both you and mom. But instead of appreciating something beautiful that I had, I ran after something as insignificant as that doll which could only talk and stand on its feet. I had to pay a big price by losing the person who loved me the most, and also who brought me into this world. Not only that, but I have also hurt you. For my negligence, you lost your feet, but you were not the only one. I lost mine too.”
Then there was a prolonged silence. Two drops of my tears fell on his hand.
After that he looked at me and said, “You know, you can never move on with all these baggage from the past. In this journey of life, in each station, you have to drop some old luggage, and in exchange you have to pick some new memories. And to tell you the truth, I never really had any regrets for my leg. I also don’t want you to keep any regrets either. As I said, I would have given anything to be your friend. And no one would have cared for me or would have chosen to stay with me like you do. So, I have never considered it as my bad luck. If anything, I find myself truly blessed to have someone who cannot only read my mind but can also understand my soul. And this might be the last time I’m telling you, but I do love you a lot. A lot more than I show, I promise.”
Hearing everything that he said, I felt a kind of complicated emotion. But something about this conversation was making me feel a bit less miserable than most other times when I used to sit alone and recollect these dark moments of my life. Suddenly, looking into my eyes, he said, “I have never asked you before, but today I want to know. Have you ever thought why I am your only friend? Is it because we both share something very unfortunate in common, or that you are afraid to be with people because you think nobody can understand you? Hearing his words, I replied with a smile, “It’s true that we have something very ‘Unfortunate’ in common, but that is not a strong enough reason for me to choose you every time over anyone, or anything. That just helps me to empathise with you, but it’s the understanding that we have, which strengthens our bonding from the root. And I don’t care if anybody understands me or not as long as I have you.”
Then he replied “But Daisy, I am not real, remember? I am just a part of your subconscious mind, that you think resides in this body of a yellow teddy bear. I say everything that you want to hear. And this teddy is close to you because it was the last gift given to you by your mom.”
He says all these with a smile that almost makes me want to believe him. But I can’t. He is the most genuine thing that ever happened to me. If he’s not real, then how can I be?
The writer, Tarunima Tabassum is a student of final year, studying in BBA General at Bangladesh University of Professionals.