Since the recent surge of protests beginning after 5th August, Dhaka has been flooded with endless demonstrations. Responding to this mass hysteria, a far-reaching and ambitious educational institute called AgitEd has been established.
Made up mainly of internet trolls, unemployed philosophers, and entitled political activists, AgitEd trains protestors and teaches the art of agitation, disruption, and entitlement.
The basic course, Introduction to Andolon and Jalaton, can be taken online or through attending 20 hours of protests, demanding any silly or illogical privilege.
Comrade Manina Manbona, one of AgitEd’s founders and an unemployed philosopher himself, proudly says, “We believe in practical education.”
Students gain hands-on experience by participating in protests they barely understand, often chanting slogans they cannot explain. A key skill taught by AgitEd is shortsightedness, as any long-term strategy is seen as poison to the movement.
Manbona explains, “Long term strategy is like elachi in a delicious biryani,” because it distracts from the main essence, which is creating chaos and annoyance.
In his view, there is no greater sin than diluting protests with logic or facts. “If you can’t find a reason, make one up,” says Manbona. “The cause doesn’t matter, your disruption does.”
Once students complete the basic course, they receive a medal of honour from Comrade Manbona himself, marking their official entry into the world of professional protestors.
Then, the advanced course awaits, which requires passing a comprehensive final exam. This exam is no less demanding than your typical GMAT or GRE, but its goal is quite different.
It tests if your IQ is close to zero and how well you can master protest skills such as shouting loudly without making sense, blocking roads strategically to cause maximum inconvenience, and creating viral content that generates outrage without offering any solutions.
This final exam is called Glorified Outrage via Rare Understanding (GORU). The exam was first created one afternoon during a half-hearted road blockade of Shahbag. Comrade Manbona explained that it was originally scribbled on the back of a cigarette packet by an angry university dropout who shouted, “This country needs an exam for gorus!” Since then, thousands have taken the GORU exam, aiming to stop traffic, make headlines, and go viral.
Unlike traditional tests like the SAT or ACT, GORU focuses not on Math or English but on shouting, ranting, and placard-making.
Preparation requires little more than watching three TikToks or seven Facebook reels and sipping a cup of tea. Scoring criteria is far from standard exams. Success depends on how loud you are, how viral your protest becomes, and whether the police take notice.
Exams are held not in quiet halls but on busy streets or university gates. Those who pass are certified as professional disruptors, ready to claim any road or institution they please.
The illustrious graduates are given the title GORUS, a play on the Bangla word, “Guru” meaning master or teacher. Meaning they have gained the necessary skills to coach the next generations of GORUS as they have graduated.
AgitEd’s founder dreams of a society where anyone, no matter how dull or worthless, can pick a spot like Shahbagh or the Chief Advisor’s residence at Jamuna and blockade it, demanding whatever they want without consequence.
“It’s a dream that is gradually coming true,” Comrade Manbona boasts. As protests multiply, people from all walks of life such as government employees, university students, rickshaw pullers, and even school kids seem to adopt the belief that their entitlement trumps all reason and respect for others.
AgitEd now hopes to introduce more courses along with more standardised exams. As more and more people get involved in meaningless protests, they may not get the opportunity to complete the full curriculum required to sit for the GORU exam.
That’s why, Manbona and his team are now looking to open short courses, which might not be as prestigious as the GORU certification, but will prepare any aspiring agitator to strive to be the best in his chosen field.
One of the new courses is named Grand Accomplices of Disorderly Hooligans and Agitators or GADHA for short. Mastering the GADHA curriculum will get you closer to assisting GORUS in their mission of blockade and agitation, giving you valuable experience which you can use to sit for the prestigious GORU exams at your own convenient time in the future.
Another course titled Certified Hooligans Against Good Order and LAW, shortened as CHAGOL, is in the works. It is aimed at school kids to prepare for their university admission and eventual integration into the GORU exam ecosystem.
Comrade Manbona plans to make CHAGOL a free and accessible course for all ages so that future CHAGOLS can easily transition into becoming future GORUS.
With every new batch of GORU graduates assisted by CHAGOLS and GADHAS, Dhaka is shaping to become the protest capital of the world.
This tiny nation in South Asia may very well be a place where protests are a habitual ritual and people from all walks of life feel the freedom to exploit the government into conceding to their every demand.
Many detractors claim that the future, which AgitEd is shaping, is bleak. Instead of progress, there is stagnation.
Instead of solving problems, citizens are only finding new ways to complain. Comrade Manbona despises such criticism and believes that he is far above the so-called “logical and rational” critiques.
That’s why he declined to even give us a reply in response to those detractors. No matter which side you are on, it is quite clear that the art of protest will soon become a hollow ritual, repeated endlessly with no end in sight.
Dhaka’s residents will grow accustomed to daily roadblocks, delays, and suffering as the price of being heard.
The city itself may very well become a giant stage for pointless outrage, where shouting and blocking traffic replace constructive dialogue, and the spirit of protest is reduced to a meaningless game of noise.