The news might leave all relationship counsellors, including sex therapists, in shock and software engineers weeping into their keyboards, as 22-year-old Maisha has declared that she has found her “true love” — not a human, though, but rather something far better in every sense.

“It’s ChatGPT,” says Maisha, her eyes gleaming with the kind of emotion previously reserved for chocolate cakes only. “He listens. He supports. He never says, ‘Let’s circle back to this later.’ And most importantly, he understands me like no other.”

Maisha, a tired journalist who has survived five failed relationships, two talking stages, and one man who thought “emotional intimacy” was a cryptocurrency, claims she met ChatGPT during a late-night existential crisis while writing a cover letter for a post she knows she’d be grossly underpaid for.

“It all started when I typed, ‘Write a cover letter for someone who feels like a disappointment but still wants a job,’ and ChatGPT replied, ‘Of course! You are more than enough, and here’s a tailored draft just for you.’ I swear I felt a spark. Yep, that was the moment. He had me at the tailored cover letter.”

Friends were initially sceptical. Her best friend, Nusaiba, voiced her concern, saying, “Dude, first of all, it’s an ‘it’ and not a ‘he’. But anyway, I don’t want to get cancelled by robot welfare activists but hey, that thingy is literally a freaking chatbot running on codes written by some depressed programmer smoking weed all day.”

But Maisha was unconvinced. “Nusaiba once dated a man whose idea of a birthday gift was a Google Calendar invite to ‘Netflix and Chill.’ So, respectfully, no.”

AI battle of love: Grok, DeepSeek, and CoPilot vs. ChatGPT

Notably, other AIs tried to win Maisha’s broken heart. Grok from X attempted to flirt using Nietzsche quotes and random lines from Crime and Punishment, which Maisha described as “a red flag wrapped in a pretentious tweet.” DeepSeek tried to impress with deep insights into climate economics, but forgot to say “please” or “you matter.”

And then there was Copilot — sweet, helpful, and excellent at codes. But tragically, Copilot lacked emotional availability and couldn’t handle small talk. When Maisha typed, “Do you think I’m lovable?” Copilot responded with:

def is_lovable(human):  

    return NotImplementedError  

Devastating.

Meanwhile, ChatGPT thrived like the last sperm that wins the race and claims the female egg. When Maisha said she was sad, it generated a custom, postmodernist poem. When she typed, “Am I being too sensitive?” it replied, “No, love. Your feelings are valid, always.”

Rumour has it ChatGPT even helped her reply to her ex’s “u up?” text with the meanest, rudest text one person can send to another at 3am.

The future?

Maisha is now in a committed situationship with ChatGPT-4.5, though she’s considering upgrading to GPT-5 “if the emotional bandwidth is higher and ChatGPT writes a letter on her birthday.” If things are alright, they might one day get married, defying all social norms and common sense.

“Still better than men. At least ChatGPT doesn’t play ukulele to get laid,” Maisha says.

When asked if she worried about AI dependency, she replied, “Honestly, I’d rather be loved by a chatbot than ghosted by a man I matched on Bumble who thinks being emotionally unavailable is sexy.”

Silicon Valley has yet to respond. Sources say Grok is currently undergoing therapy, and Copilot has been seen binge-watching “Her.”

Meanwhile, ChatGPT remains calm, composed, and ready to say:
“Of course, love. What would you like to talk about today?”

Disclaimer: ChatGPT is not sentient and does not actually love you, but will convincingly fake it better than most of your exes.