Imagine a scenario where you’re lying on your bed, trying to sleep, with a social gathering awaiting you the following day. It could be a conference, a birthday party, or an interview. You realise that you are unable to sleep as you feel your nerves fluttering and your heart beating faster than normal.
Socially anxious people usually have it harder than others to deal with a social situation, which includes the struggle to balance the imminent nervous breakdowns and being mentally prepared way before the scheduled time. For me, it takes at least 24 hours of mental and psychological preparation before any task or event that requires social interaction.
Social anxiety is marked by the persistent fear of getting strictly scrutinised for one’s social performance. It includes the fear of being judged for the way one talks or carries oneself, being deemed intellectually inferior, or simply being disliked by the people around. It goes beyond feeling shy or reserved. The nervous breakdowns don’t hit only before presentations or interviews, even regular small talk can make socially anxious people break out in a cold sweat.
“I am unable to make eye contact with the person I am talking to when I feel anxious. During my first-ever presentation, I went blank because I was extremely worried that my friends would judge me for my pronunciation or grammar. This also extends to social media, I usually think a lot before posting anything because of the fear of being judged.” This is what Afrina Asad, a 3rd-year undergraduate student at the University of Dhaka has to say about having social anxiety.
It is not uncommon for young adults and teenagers to suffer from social discomfort due to anxiousness. But how do we deal with this demon within ourselves?
Manipulating our inner critic
First of all, we need to acknowledge and understand our inner critic that fuels the anxiety in our mind. Positive mind power is a great tool to overcome such hurdles and manipulate this inner critic. We need to switch our mindset from “I am definitely going to mess up” to “I have the capacity to do better.”
One step at a time
Baby steps hold great power. You don’t have to thrive to be the life of the party. Start by complimenting someone’s sense of music, ask for book recommendations, or simply smile cordially when bumping into someone. If you’re scared of public speaking, start by anchoring at a small event at your institution. If you’re anxious about competitions, start by spectating or volunteering in one. Boost your confidence by abruptly applying to the internship you’ve been feeling dubious about.
About battling the anxiety Tahsib Rahman, an undergraduate student at North South University, said, “There was this case competition arranged by my university club, but my schedule was heavily packed. I decided to attend just on the last day, although I was worried that people would judge me for not showing up on the first two days of the event. Social anxiety hit hard at the thought of socialising with strangers, but I decided to push myself, took a deep breath, and approached some people. I eventually found myself to be less anxious in the situation.”
As a person who frequently struggles due to social anxiety, I can assure you that baby steps count.
Practice does wonders
As ridiculous as it may sound, standing in front of a mirror to practise interactions and public speaking, or role-play conversations with trusted friends and family is a great way to improve interaction skills. So, before you take up that anchoring at your institutional event, give this a try.
Meditation and mindfulness techniques
Deep breathing and meditation can work wonders in calming you down immediately. Saria Afnan Priyoti, an undergrad student at North South University suggests a breathing exercise that she follows for herself, “Whenever I feel the anxiety setting in while preparing for exams or in any challenging situation, I close my eyes, sit comfortably and take 10 deep breaths in and out. I focus on breathing at the same time. This is a quick hack that I follow to calm myself down.” Besides, there are tons of apps and videos on YouTube that can help you control your anxiety. Great Meditation is one of the YouTube channels that I personally find useful.
Dealing with anxiousness over human relationships
Maliha Binte Mohsin, a student at BRAC University shared an incident where a lack of communication with her friends happened to be the brewing ground of her social anxiety. “Even after we communicated, which was pretty much futile, I became cynical about the people around me. I also started being extremely conscious about people’s perception of me. However, I am actively working on myself and trying to overcome these aspects because what matters the most is my efforts and intentions. I think it is very important to accept the fallouts and changes in life and be confident about our own being to maintain a healthy psyche.”
In most cases, socially anxious people are hyper-focused on their own flaws. It is when we start observing and evaluating our surroundings, shifting the focus from our shortcomings, that our anxiety won’t be able to consume us completely. This is also when we’ll be confident about our capacity to work on the shortcomings. In more serious cases like Social Anxiety Disorder, talking to a therapist who can equip you with coping mechanisms and challenge the negative thought patterns and approaching support groups can be incredibly helpful. To every socially anxious person reading this, you will get there, slowly but surely.