30 July is International Friendship Day — a reminder to celebrate those who uplift us. Good friends are a gift. But the not-so-good ones? Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to let go.

The term “toxic” gets tossed around a lot these days — whether someone gossips too much, flakes on plans, or dominates every conversation with their latest crisis. But friendship coach and author Danielle Bayard Jackson warns that rushing to label a friend as toxic can be misleading.

“We often confuse a mistake or habit with someone’s entire character,” Jackson told Business Insider. Reducing someone to their worst moment, she says, can be “dangerous” — not just for them, but for the future of the relationship.

In her book Fighting for Our Friendships, Jackson explores nine common types of so-called “bad” friends, the reasons behind their behaviour, and what to consider before deciding to cut ties.

1. The flaky friend

You can’t count on this friend — they cancel plans, show up late (if at all), and disappear in emergencies.
Flakiness might stem from struggles like ADHD, Jackson explains, but that’s “not an excuse to be unreliable.” Some friends also don’t realise how much their inconsistency affects you — especially if you always brush it off with a “no worries!”
If you’ve communicated your needs and nothing changes, it may be time to step back.

2. The one-sided friend

You’re always the one reaching out. The emotional investment feels completely lopsided.
Maybe your friend is neurodivergent, fears rejection, or sees reciprocity differently. But if your efforts go unreturned even after you’ve explained how you feel, Jackson says it’s okay to walk away.

3. The gossip

This friend always has something to say about others — making you wonder what she says about you when you’re not around.
Gossip often stems from boredom, insecurity, or a misguided attempt at bonding, Jackson says. But if redirecting the conversation doesn’t work and the dynamic makes you uncomfortable, you might want to reconsider the relationship.

4. The love-obsessed friend

There’s always drama — and it’s always about dating. Worse, they disappear completely when they’re in a relationship.
This could stem from societal pressure or even emotional abuse within their romantic life. But if you constantly feel like a placeholder until their next breakup, it’s worth rethinking the friendship.

5. The controlling friend

This person pushes your boundaries, guilt-trips you for saying “no,” and overreacts when you disagree.
Often, Jackson says, control issues come from anxiety or a lack of agency in other parts of their life. Still, if they refuse to respect your boundaries, walking on eggshells isn’t healthy.

6. The jealous friend

When you share good news, she reacts with sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or criticism.
Jealousy may be rooted in a fixed mindset — the belief that your success leaves less room for hers. But that doesn’t justify dismissive or hurtful behaviour. If she can’t celebrate with you, some space might be necessary.

7. The newly changed friend

Suddenly, her interests, style, or values shift — and you’re not sure you recognise her anymore.
Jackson encourages giving space for identity exploration. But if your friend adopts views that threaten your safety or values, that’s a clear signal to move on.

8. The clingy friend

This friend constantly needs reassurance, attention, and contact — leaving you emotionally drained.
It could be a mismatch in attachment styles. Or perhaps you’ve unknowingly built a dynamic where she depends on you for validation, and you feel needed in return.
Boundaries can help, but if her needs start affecting your other relationships or responsibilities, it might be time to let go.

9. The negative friend

Every conversation feels like a therapy session — for her, not you.
If your friend constantly vents or “trauma dumps,” she may see you as a safe space. But check in with yourself: if you leave every interaction feeling heavy, that’s your cue to create some distance.

Friendship isn’t always easy — but it shouldn’t be a constant source of stress. Understanding why someone behaves a certain way can bring compassion. But knowing when to prioritise your own well-being is just as important.