“Have you ever looked around and wondered what all these forests, valleys, mountains, and puddles are for?” asks Philomena Cunk in her opening lines. “Wondered how many buildings were knocked down to make way for them and who granted the planning permission?”
Philomena Cunk is arguably the most ill-informed investigative journalist/documentarian in television history. In this 70-minute feature-length sequel to Cunk on Earth—a series previously delivered in six episodes—Philomena Cunk (portrayed by Diane Morgan) sets out to answer one of humanity’s greatest questions: what is the meaning of life?
On her quest to unravel the mysteries of the human mind and the universe, Philomena consults real-life experts in theology, philosophy, science, and the arts. In doing so, she delivers her trademark deadpan humour, asking the dumbest, most irrelevant questions imaginable. Her “facts” (such as “only 40% of humans have skeletons”) are often attributed to her mate Paul or a YouTube video she happened to watch earlier.
Philomena is seemingly wise but painfully dumb—reminding me of Bangladeshi politicians who appear to know everything but inevitably reveal they haven’t a clue of the thing they are talking about as soon as they start speaking.
“In this landmark documentary special,” Cunk solemnly proclaims, “I’ll travel the globe to walk in slow motion through picturesque locations, get up close to some of the most significant molecules in existence, and meet a variety of academics, experts, and professional mammals to ask some of the most significant questions you can say with a mouth.”
She interviews these “professional mammals” to gain their insights. In one exchange, she asks Douglas Hedley, professor of the philosophy of religion at the University of Cambridge, whether God might be “even in cupboards.” However, it is the visible bafflement of Prokar Dasgupta, King’s College London professor of surgery, that steals the show. As Cunk bombards him with assertions like “only 40% of people have skeletons” and “knees are a con,” his reactions—equal parts bewilderment and restraint—are either brilliantly naïve or Oscar-worthy.
The documentary is divided into short chapters that allows viewers to venture through topics such as Genesis, (“the first entry in the Christian Cinematic Universe. Jesus isn’t in this one. It’s mainly about his bad-tempered dad, a man so mysterious, we still only know him by his stage name: God”), human physiology (“DNA is tiny but complex, like Tom Cruise”), and Van Gogh’s art (“a miserable redhead and own-ear vandal”).
The humour remains refreshingly absurd throughout. One running gag involves her measuring historical timelines against the release of the Belgian techno anthem Pump Up the Jams. As Cunk’s natural Bolton accent turns “our souls” into “arseholes,” you might wonder what it actually takes to fill our souls.
In Chapter VII, Cunk critiques art, declaring Vincent van Gogh’s wheat field paintings unimpressive: “No detail to his crows. Actively bad. Better if he’d never painted anything, not even a bog door in a home for the blind. Anyway, that’s my view.”
The brilliance of Cunk on Life lies not only in Diane Morgan’s pitch-perfect delivery but also in the reactions of the academics and experts she interviews. Their slow blinks, blank stares, and exasperated head shakes only make the comedy better. Probably the most satisfying moment comes from particle physicist Brian Cox, who, after enduring another misguided anecdote about the universe from Cunk’s mate Paul, finally asks, “So what does Paul do?” Now, you must find out on your own if Paul is a white-bearded wise man or not.
At the Large Hadron Collider, Cunk wears a hard hat “to protect her head in case a proton falls” on her head. She even manages to extract a statement from Brian Cox confirming that he is “in the Big Bang gang.” Spoiler alert: we all are.
Philomena Cunk on Life aired on BBC Two and is available on BBC iPlayer. It has also been streaming on Netflix since 31 December.
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