In what’s arguably Bangladesh’s third most favourite pastime—right after watching cricket and cursing the traffic—students from Dhaka College and Dhaka City College have taken their messy, loud, and oddly affectionate rivalry to the streets and hijacked signboards once again. And just like every other time, they fought over absolutely nothing.
According to witnesses, a Dhaka College student reportedly made 0.0003 seconds of eye contact with a City College counterpart across the road, and that was it. It was a pure insult, an utter provocation, a clear invitation to fight. The boys took it to the streets as testosterone spiked. But some are now calling it “the best sexual tension after Humayun Ahmed wrote two characters to silently stare at each other for three pages straight.”
Within minutes, the street near Science Lab transformed into a low-budget wrestling ring. Shoes were airborne. Boys were seen charging at each other with the enthusiasm of a last-minute group project. One Dhaka College student—multitasking like a pro—was seen fixing his hair with one hand while clutching the collar of a City College rival with the other. “We never go out of style,” he said, coolly adjusting his fake Ray-Bans from New Market. “Especially when we’re touching each other aggressively.”
And in moments, they reached the climax. Dhaka College students tore down the City College signboard and carried it away like a trophy. The streets stood still. “We didn’t steal it,” said Mamun from Dhaka College, gently stroking the signboard. “We just miss them. This is how boys communicate.”
Police officers are now so accustomed to these outbreaks that they no longer ask why. “It’s not about logic,” said one officer. “They are not fighting; they are flirting. If one breathes near the other, someone’s shirt comes off.”
In an impromptu survey outside New Market, 68% of passersby agreed that the two institutions are “just one honest conversation away from either being best friends or forming a boy band.” Meanwhile, City College students have sworn revenge, demanding the return of both their signboard and their dignity—though, in fairness, they’ve already lost that in previous seasons.
Dhaka College, for their part, has started decorating the stolen signboard with tiny red hearts. Aww, aren’t they just little boys in love?
There’s talk now of joint counselling sessions and even whispers of a co-produced musical titled You Had Me at Signboard. It’s unclear whether this will lead to peace or just another regular WWE match that Dhaka dwellers enjoy on a weekly basis.
Until then, the boys will do what they do best: fight, steal signs, and redefine the phrase it’s complicated. Netflix Bangladesh, sensing a hit, is reportedly in talks for a 12-episode limited series titled College Crush: Signboards and Soulmates.
The next episode drops probably Tuesday. You’ll know when the shoes start flying.