Relationships are hard, especially when the Chinese Communist Party is looming over your every action.

Tying these two together might seem odd at first, but a wrong decision in picking your partner can land you in heaps of trouble when one sudden night you find out that person was all along a spy, that too a Chinese one.

So, in order to protect yourself from the law, and to truly recognise love outside the confines of marriage, be aware of these red flags to not get duped into falling for a Chinese spy.

Red flag no. 1: She turns your first date into a job interview

A typical spy will be pretty, and just like your ChatGPT prompt, will always be agreeable to your opinions no matter how crazy they sound. Don’t mistake this agreeableness for attraction. She isn’t in pursuit of what you wanna say, she wants information that goes beyond the typical relationship realm.

So, asking how much you make may seem direct or somewhat fair, but questions regarding who you work with, your contacts, products your company is working on, or the many investments you have are immediate red flags.

Too much talk about your work is the main goal of hers. Never let office-talk slip through your ones with her.

Red flag no. 2: She wants to see the phone

It’s normal for every partner to snoop around your DMs, maybe one expects to look for clues of infidelity while others want personal information such as bank accounts, contact numbers and email lists.

If you are unsure if she’s the jealous type or the one acting on behalf of mainland China, maybe it’s best if you don’t pick up your phone in front of her, ever. Don’t fall for traps known as “transparency, accountability, or trustworthiness”.

These terms may hold value after you get married, but if you plan to keep cheating on your spouse with this person, then it may be best to maintain a separate phone just for the dates.

Red flag no. 3: She’s way too accepting of your flaws

People may buy into your bluff, but you shouldn’t be misled by your own ego. As Socrates famously said, you should “know thyself”, so will she, and she’ll be surprisingly accepting of all that is you.

Your poor hygiene, lack of commitment, that already existing family, or the other girlfriend, somehow all of the cowardice you hide behind will mean nothing in the bottomless pit of “love” she will be showering you with.

“I love you for who you are”, “I don’t judge the past,” immediately run away if you hear such clichés.

Red flag no. 4: She’s always out to get some DNA

Remember, although she may pretend to fall for the amazing intellect you seem to possess, she’s actually looking for access. Your fingerprints, blood, saliva, or even a simple lock of your grey hair is priceless.

A protective gown is recommended on dates, but we understand if such attire may turn her off a bit, still, remember, it’s probably not you she’s after, it’s the DNA. So, no matter how weird it looks, protect yourself with a proper N95 mask coupled with hand gloves and hairnets, a laboratory apron is a bonus.

If your date gets weirded out and leaves seeing you in this state, then congratulations, you may just have diverted a potential Chinese spy, however, even with all this she stays, you should be more suspicious.

Maybe she’s playing the long game, and you must ask yourself, should you be playing it too.