The Dhaka dating scene, exhausting all possible permutations and combinations of tiptoeing over the lines of cybercrime, and giving the humour police something to feel superior about, has finally had its first instance of actual repercussions. Minorul Islam Monir, an unfortunate case of NID typo, and a graduate of Bangladesh University of Epsteinian Tutors, is scheduled for a minor operation this evening.
It all started when the Facebook group ‘Are we dating the same person – Dhaka’ started branching out to institutional levels. Scrolling through the depths of unsolicited information, our reporter landed on the private group ‘Are we grooming the same student – Udvot’. It’s a group for an educational entity with a potential pool bigger than that of any school, filtered by preferred age – not a surprise. We pulled some strings and asked permission from an old friend of the same university to use his credentials to enter the private group.
Upon entry, we were met with a series of posts that, at the very least, were true to the purpose of the group – asking if another tutor is already persevering in making someone ‘wife material’. The comments to those posts mostly featured pent-up rage against people who weren’t in the group, or telegram group join links. One such post caught our eyes as some Udvoter bhaiya (SUB) attached a picture of a girl we recognized – our SSC candidate campus ambassador from a girls’ school in the vicinity of an Udvot branch. The comment section was filled with wholesome words of encouragement to go for her – the comments characterised by crown or fire emojis and GiFs of muscular Russian models. One comment said ‘Hey king. Never let the moral police talk you down. If it’s so unethical, how come someone as smart as Stephen Hawking did it?’ The replies to it said
> No liberals here to force arbitrary morals
> Love is love 😛
> Marked safe from Shahbagi Justice Warriors <3
We informed our campus ambassador, and ensuring her safety and a promotion to unpaid internship, we asked her to accept the SUB’s message request and set up a ‘date’. They met in front of the school’s gate with our cameras rolling nearby. It was not long until the girl splashed on his face some spicy tamarind water from the fuchka they ordered, to which he started screaming. His offence, the girl later informed, was incessantly pushing her to go on a coffee date with his hard-earned tuition money, and using obliviously misogynistic pick-up lines in doing so.
At the hospital, he was diagnosed with an ear infection. After the first aid was given, our staff reporter, astonished at his naivety of the matter, asked him if he really didn’t know.
SUB : Pdf file? Of course I know what it is. I have a major in CSE and a minor in-
TBS: Definitely not ethics. You heard wrong, perhaps due to the infection.
SUB: Huh?….oh, the p-word. Well, actually *fixes eyeglasses* That’s for creeps attracted to girls under the age of 11. You could say I am an ephebophile, for ages 15-16, within the age of consent.
TBS: Is that because your workplace does not have programs for students under that age?
SUB: Huh? Can’t hear you, man.
TBS: It’s okay. Here’s my card. Let us know when you have recovered.
SUB: Thanks. I will be busy for a few days though. Wish me luck. Preparing for BCS.