Bangladesh, now aged 53, has a problem. Not many of its children have grown up or even been granted a portion of the trust fund – too many problem-children speaks at troubles back home.
The mark of adulthood, bestowed upon those who succeed, has been the granting of a brand new status – “division”.
But throughout the years, the divisional status remained stagnant, restricted to only six of its children.
Dhaka being the most prestigious and favourite among them.
However, Mother Bangla seldom proclaimed or took notice of any other of her children to become the next division. Perhaps they failed to produce enough doctors or engineers. Perhaps, they have low marriage rates.
But becoming a division requires much attention.
You should have enough doctors, good behaviour through police commissions, an interest for books through education boards and if all fails, have airports at least so the spawns can become pilots – but it’s a Catch-22. To do so, you need mother to be benevolent.
Being a resource deprived mother, Bangladesh may not have been able to allocate limited funds equally.
Her “felt fascist, might delete later” era of the past 15 years hasn’t helped much either. But she did grant “division” to two children – Rangpur and Mymensingh.
This generosity, however, came with its own set of issues – angering the others who remained lumped with their elder siblings. And you know how sibling rivalries play out.
But what is the issue with being the division status?
Well, the first thing is the honour. The prestige of calling yourself one of the chosen ones clearly makes you better than your fellow brothers and sisters. You act as an administrative hub for a select group of your siblings, you get your own stadium, your own police force, your own airport, hospital and many other toys. In addition, your siblings must abide by your authority whenever they might want to play with those toys.
Now that mother has gone through a break up, she’s in her “New year, new me” phase, “single living in bliss” period.
In this Momentous time, it seems Mom is primed for granting wishes no matter how silly and stupid those may be.
Three of her oldest children, Noakhali, Faridpur and Cumilla are now once again stating their claim to be acknowledged as divisions.
Noakhali, the most passionate among them, no longer wants to be in the shadows of his prettier sisters.
He has time and time again asked for a final decision, yet Mom clearly has a disdain for him. Probably because he eats fast and leaves immediately after. Or maybe, it was his tryst with a certain lady whose presence brought trouble to Mom’s ex.
His accent can be pretty wild too, according to his siblings.
“They belittle me whenever they get the chance. They never make fun of Chattogram. No one understands a damn word she utters, but why make fun of me, you?”
Then there comes Cumilla, the smart sibling always at the highest courts closest to Mother Bangladesh, but with a spelling that warrants much ridicule.
Mom does appreciate her hard work and talent, and trusts her to churn out brilliant diplomats and BCS cadres in service to her. Yet, Mom is skeptical, nobody should trust the smart ones, they may be a cause for headaches. Cumilla is often quiet but never shy when expressing her talents and showboating the achievements to her other siblings.
“I’ve always been better than everyone, Mom loved me from the start and still does, but I don’t know why on earth stupids like Sylhet or Rangpur get to be dvisions with their lack of intelligence and bad manners,” Cumilla allegedly told Noakhali in their secret meeting.
“It’s always been about their looks I tell you. Sylhet with her perfect little curves, attracting the Londoners everywhere she goes, did you know? She gets all this attention just for her looks, nothing else,” Cumilla is also alleged to have said.
Noakhali is claimed to have chimed in with how nobody made fun of Sylhet’s accent.
Meanwhile, Faridpur, too, is now ready for the next step. For some unknown reason, Faridpur lacked behind. As their old grizzled brother, Faridpur has often churned out many leaders who came in handy for Mom.
Faridpur did have a chance to become a division after independence, but was outmaneuvered and outsmarted by his more cunning and handsome brother, Barishal.
Cumilla doubts Faridpur’s ability to fight till the end this time, as Faripdur does have some weak points.
Some younger siblings of Faridpur, especially Gopalganj are not in the best possible position to ask for favours.
The other siblings, especially Dhaka and Chattogram are really angry at Gopalganj.
“They are sure to reject us if they see Faridpur is sitting next to us,” says Cumilla to Noakhali.
“But, between the three of us, only Faridpur has the size, age, and population surplus,” Noakhali expresses concerns.
In this small family centered around 55 thousand square miles, these siblings keep on fighting. Fighting to earn the love of their mother, to get resources and to be appreciated in her eyes.
However, sometimes in life’s own cruel twist, Mom often acts devoid of any rationale, picks her own favourites such as Mymensingh and Rangpur, and is sometimes convinced by her cunning and more successful children like Sylhet and Barishal.