After years of playing the abusive partner to seven side chicks, Dhaka University (DU) has finally decided to let go of its seven affiliated colleges. This grand separation, worse than Ross-Rachel’s “We were on a break!” fiasco, marks the end of an era—full of fights, confusion, and a constant stream of “Who even are these guys?” from DU’s main campus students.
For years, DU has been stuck in a toxic relationship with these seven colleges. On paper, they were supposed to benefit from the prestige of Dhaka University. In practice, it felt like trying to babysit seven rogue teenagers who refused to clean up their own room, turned up late to every family event, hid report cards, and then had the audacity to demand their own Netflix subscription.
The seven colleges made headlines more for their protests than their academic achievements. Of course, their favourite pastime is demanding a separate university. “We tried to make it work,” said an anonymous BBA student of DU, visibly so annoyed. “But they were so needy. Always wanting exam results, fair treatment, and, I don’t know, basic respect.”
The seven colleges, of course, had their own perspective. “We just wanted a little love and clarity,” said a student. “Instead, DU ghosted uson results for months. It’s like they didn’t even care!”
Their relationship has been full of drama that could easily have a 100-episode series on Netflix, including/excluding unnecessary gay characters. Beside all these, both parties often took it to the streets, quarrelling and aggressively touching each other in public.
There have always been heated debates over academic priorities, accusations of favouritism, and the ever-present tension of being ‘under DU’s shadow.’ “We were always treated like the unwanted cousins, you know, the ones they call gramer chachato bhai,” said a student from one of the colleges. “They never took us seriously, but when we wanted to leave, they acted like we were asking for the moon.”
Meanwhile, DU students have been vocal about their relief at the impending separation. “Finally, we won’t have to deal with their protests disrupting our campus life,” said a third-year DU student. “Now we can go back to focusing on our own protests about how teaching is more than just reading out PowerPoint slides, session jams, registrar building staffers’ fetish for “lunch er por ashen” and—you know—actual DU stuff.”
But as the breakup becomes official, questions hover in the air. Will DU finally find peace without the constant disruptions and late-night WWE matches in Nilkhet? Will the seven colleges be happy with their newfound independence, or will they end up texting DU at 3am, asking to get back together?