She came into my life like the heavenly Eros came to Psyche and, yes, she did manifest a divine awakening. She was translucent, clear as daylight, embracing the sun and letting its light pass through her majestic body, shining through every inch of her.

She was caring to a fault. She carried my tiffin, making sure all its contents stayed within. She would catch any leaks, and she would make sure I had the tools to face the cruelties.

She was, to some extent, omnipotent. She could do anything, limited only by imagination. She could accompany me to the market, make sure my clothes didn’t get wet in the rain, and happily sit on my lap, covering my nether regions during every stormy rickshaw ride.

As the days went on and I grew up, her presence proved to be everlasting in my life. From morning to night, I couldn’t seem to get away from her. She existed everywhere and consumed everything.

At first, convenience inspired my love, but now her omnipresence frightened me. There had been doubters from the start. Pesky environmentalists and hard-nosed activists warned me to stay away. Haters saw her omnipresence as a threat. I truly thought they feared her everlasting presence, a quality much appreciated in lovers and underappreciated by people looking for just a ‘fling’, precisely the kind of people I had thought those activists were.

But quietly, I got the hint. The numbers kept coming in. It seemed she had penetrated every corner of everyone’s life. From water to milk, from meat to burgers, from particles to cancerous cells, she truly was the life that dictated all lives.

Some reports even blamed her for decreasing sperm counts among men. Honestly, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I couldn’t risk becoming impotent, especially because of an omnipotent divine entity. I wanted children, and clearly she didn’t.

I decided to call it quits. But, as mentioned before, she truly was everywhere. I wanted her to move out, but her presence and utility couldn’t be overlooked. She had not only consumed me but my family as well. And storing plastic bags under the bed was not a habit my mother wanted to give up.

Outraged and concerned, I cut her off as much as I could. I have now turned to stainless steel. A horrible alternative, ugly and metallic as one can be. Emotionless and heavy at the same time, yet with all its unappealing qualities, it stays firm and sturdy, unlike the previous omnipresent ex who would break under the slightest strain.

But again, no matter how sturdy the metal option is, the heart still longs for the malleable ex. A beauty that couldn’t be heavy at all even if she had wanted to be. With her soft skin and translucent aura, she could mend all the cracks that her ugly alternative cannot.

I guess there are some things that are simply too good to be true.