When children forget their lunch, struggle with a maths problem or do not know how to get somewhere, parents may feel the urge to step in immediately.

But experts say these everyday difficulties can be valuable learning opportunities.

Developmental experts and educators argue that children need chances to deal with problems on their own because planning, decision-making, problem-solving and recovering from mistakes are skills that develop through practice.

The challenge for parents is knowing when to help and when to step back.

With information, smartphones and even AI-generated answers available within seconds, children have fewer opportunities to work things out independently. Experts say parents should resist the urge to solve every problem for them, particularly when the consequences are relatively minor.

Pause before stepping in

Technology has made it easier than ever for parents to monitor their children. They can track their location, check grades and contact teachers almost instantly.

But that convenience can also prevent children from recognising and solving problems themselves, said Dr Dana Suskind, a professor of surgery and paediatrics at the University of Chicago.

“I think the most important thing we can give children is not the answer, but the experience of figuring it out,” Suskind said.

When parents immediately intervene, children lose opportunities to practise skills such as thinking before acting, remembering what worked previously and trying alternative solutions.

Dr Stephanie Carlson, director of the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota, said children who rarely have to struggle with problems may experience greater anxiety when they eventually have to handle situations independently.

Parents should step in when there is a genuine danger. But in lower-risk situations, experts recommend slowing down and helping children think through the problem instead.

Rather than providing an immediate solution, parents can ask questions such as, “What do you think?”, “What could happen?”, “How could you solve this?” or “What else could you try?”

Let children experience boredom

Experts also say children should be allowed to experience boredom, frustration, impatience and nervousness.

Boredom, in particular, can encourage creativity and play while helping children develop confidence and resilience, said Kiryn Hoffman, CEO of the National Children’s Museum in Washington, DC.

Psychologist Dr Jean Twenge has also argued that children and teenagers today have fewer opportunities than previous generations to spend time with friends, travel around independently and make decisions without close adult supervision.

Such changes can affect how young people develop independence and confidence in handling everyday situations.

Give children more responsibility

Parents do not need to create artificial challenges for their children. Everyday tasks can provide opportunities to develop independence.

Nicole Knoth, a mother of two teenage girls in Flagstaff, Arizona, began giving her daughters small decisions to make when they were young.

At age five, for example, she would give them $5 during shopping trips and ask them to work out what they could afford after accounting for taxes and discounts.

As teenagers, her daughters now handle tasks such as grocery shopping, while her older daughter manages her own credit card.

Jemia Cunningham-Elder, a mother of four daughters in Chicago, said there is no fixed age at which children should be expected to manage things independently.

Instead, she considers what each child is capable of handling and gradually gives them more responsibility.

If they succeed, they gain more freedom. If they struggle, she considers whether the experience was useful or whether they were simply not ready yet.

Importantly, independence does not mean doing everything alone.

A child who realises they cannot solve a maths problem and asks a teacher for help is also demonstrating independence. Likewise, a student who forgets an assignment but finds out the information themselves is learning to take responsibility.

Knowing when to step in

Experts stress that parents must consider a child’s age, maturity, abilities and the risks involved before deciding whether to intervene.

For example, Caroline Chirichella, a 37-year-old mother in southern Italy, wanted to give her eight-year-old daughter Lucia more freedom. However, she remained hesitant about allowing her to play outside with friends without supervision because of traffic concerns.

In less serious situations, however, Chirichella and her husband have learned to step back.

When Lucia forgot to write down an assignment, they eventually stopped calling other parents or teachers to find out what she had been asked to do.

Instead, Chirichella told her daughter: “Your homework is your responsibility.”

Experts say that kind of gradual shift — from solving problems for children to helping them solve problems themselves — can prepare them to become more capable and confident adults.