But there was another examination running parallel to that story. An exam I never completely committed myself to, yet never completely let go of either.

That was the Dhaka University IBA admission test. My preparation for IBA was very different from my preparation for B Unit. I joined a pretty famous place, where I attended classes for roughly a month. I also bought an IBA preparation book.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped. I shifted my attention back towards Dhaka University B Unit. And that is where my real problem began. I was stuck between two directions. On one side was DU B Unit, the dream I had carried since college. On the other was IBA, an opportunity I knew I would not regret if I lost it.

The result was predictable. I never gave either one my complete attention. During that one-and-a-half-month period at my B Unit preparation, when I was supposed to be preparing intensely for B Unit, a major reason behind my lack of confidence was that part of my mind was still occupied with IBA. My concentration was divided, sometimes 60-40, sometimes 50-50.

And when your preparation is divided, your confidence becomes divided too. The strange part was that I was not even preparing for IBA with complete seriousness. I would practise from the book, but not with the consistency or depth required. It became something I felt I should do rather than something I was genuinely committing myself to.

So, I ended up in an uncomfortable middle ground. Not fully prepared for IBA. Not fully focused on B Unit either. Looking back, this was one of the biggest mistakes I made during my admission season.

A week before the Dhaka University IBA examination, however, something changed. I suddenly became much more serious about practising. I intensified my preparation and started working through the materials with much greater focus.

Then came the examination. My DU IBA admission test was held at the Social Sciences building of the University of Dhaka. I sat for the exam carrying whatever preparation I had managed to gather during those final days.

Unfortunately, I did not get the chance. And this time, the disappointment felt different. I did not fall into depression. I did not feel that my world had ended. Perhaps because, by then, I had already experienced the disappointment of preparing for the B Unit.

But I did have one very strong feeling: regret. Not necessarily because I had failed to get into IBA, but because I kept asking myself why I had not been completely honest with myself.

Why did I divide my attention? Why did I keep myself trapped between two possibilities? Why did I not decide clearly what I wanted and then give it everything I had? The biggest lesson from both DU B Unit and DU IBA was therefore not simply about admission tests.

It was about honesty. Being honest with yourself about what you want. Being honest about how much preparation you have actually done. Being honest about your weaknesses. And being honest enough to admit when you are wasting time.

When I sit with those students and explain the mistakes I made, I can almost see my younger self sitting in front of me.

I know the pulse of the examination now. I know what I should have done. I know why excessive guessing can hurt. I know why taking enough mock examinations matters. I know why preparation cannot simply be about collecting notes and finishing books. And when I apply those lessons to my students, I sometimes realise something quite unexpected can happen at any moment.

Perhaps those mistakes were necessary. Not because failure is inherently good, but because those failures gave me a kind of understanding that I could not have gained otherwise.

After not getting DU B Unit and DU IBA, I almost completely gave up hope of getting into a public university.

There was, however, one thing that remained inside me. A strange combination of confidence and anger. I told myself, ‘Whatever happens, I am going to crack at least one public university.’

I did not know which one. I did not know how. I did not even know whether my preparation was good enough. But I wanted to prove to myself that the story was not over. And, I eventually did.

That’s the story for part 3.

Part 1: https://tbsgraduates.net/campus/diaries-of-an-admission-season/the-exam-i-needed-to-fail/