I am a very good student. I know this because I asked ChatGPT.

He gave me a detailed analysis of my academic performance, personality traits and future potential, and concluded that I am “a highly motivated individual with strong intellectual curiosity and an impressive capacity for growth”.

However, I did not tell him my grades, nor my attendance. I did not tell him that I have not opened my textbooks since February.

But AI knows things. That is why I use him for everything. Everything. 

People keep asking me if I am worried that using AI is making me stupid. I asked ChatGPT this question and he thinks this is a very outdated question. It is like asking someone in 2026 whether using a calculator is making them bad at mathematics.

I don’t need to know how to do something, if I know how to ask someone that knows how to do it. This is called efficiency.

You’re still doing assignments on your own? LOL!

Last week, my professor gave us an assignment: “Write a 2,000 word essay on the impact of social media on young people.”

I opened ChatGPT.

“Are you ready to do another assignment for me?”

– “Of course! I am always here to help you with whatever you need. Tell me what to do boss!”

“Write a 2,000-word academic essay on the impact of social media on young people.”

He produced a 2,400 word essay that was well written with proper references

I told him to make the language more human.

He produced 2,700 words that seemed like they were written by my professor himself. Made me wonder if my professor was dipping into the same pot that has been sustaining me. Seems sus, but who am I to judge? Besides, Chat GPT said it was okay to do, so I believe it is.

The assignment was due at midnight. I submitted it at 11:58 pm.

My professor was thoroughly impressed. He used my essay as an example for everyone on how to write. Watching my peers look at me while I sit with a smug look on my face, made me feel like a main character.

Next thing I know, everyone was asking me for tips and pointers. My ego was inflated, my head was above the clouds and there was a spring in my step that everyone noticed.

AI is my study partner

People assume I use AI because I am lazy. This is offensive and detestable . I use AI because I am a strategic learner.

Here’s a polished version of the difference between the two:

For example, I had an exam on a 400-page book. I uploaded the book to ChatGPT and asked for a summary. Then I asked for a shorter summary, then a summary in bullet points. Then the classic “explain it like I’m five”. Then “explain it like I’m a university student who has an exam tomorrow and has not studied”.

Then I asked him to generate 50 multiple-choice questions. I got 47 correct. I felt prepared.

The next day, the professor asked us to explain one of the theories in our own words. I spat out everything I remembered on the spot, leaving my professor impressed and my peers jealous.

AI has helped me during exams as well. I gave GPT my syllabus and asked him to make me final exam style questions. Lo and behold, 70% of the questions were exactly the same. Guess who got the class highest in that exam? Yep, ME!

AI is my everything

AI is not just for studying. It is also my academic adviser, career counsellor, therapist, editor, researcher, personal assistant and occasionally my friend. Yesterday, I asked whether I should attend class. He said attendance was important for my academic success.

I asked him to consider my circumstances. He said I should prioritise my wellbeing and self-care is necessary. I asked whether staying in bed and watching horror movies could be considered self-care. He said moderation was important. I don’t even know what that means but it sounds smart.

I asked him to write a convincing message to my group project members explaining why I couldn’t attend. He did. I sent the message to my group and promptly went back to sleep.

This is not laziness, this is delegation.

Steve Jobs delegated things, Elon Musk delegates things. CEOs delegate things.

So, I’m basically my own CEO.

Even though my company currently has no revenue, no employees and three overdue assignments; the principle is the same. And I have an assistant who knows everything and can do anything, so I’m golden baybayy.

AI helps me talk to people

My friends have started complaining that I use ChatGPT too much. I don’t understand this criticism, to be frank. Last month, my friend sent me a paragraph saying he was upset with me.

I pasted it into ChatGPT.

“Analyse the emotional tone and suggest an appropriate response.”

He told me he felt hurt, disappointed and possibly misunderstood.

I replied to my human friend: “I understand how you feel, and I’m sorry.”

He asked if I actually meant it. I told him “Yes I did.”

-”Was it you or Chat GPT?”

I have not replied since. I think our friendship is currently undergoing a period of digital reflection.

AI does the thinking for me

People tend to misunderstand AI. They say it is dangerous because students are no longer thinking for themselves.

But why should I? Thinking is exhausting and time consuming!

Human beings spent thousands of years developing machines because we wanted machines to do difficult things for us.

We invented cars because walking was inefficient, we invented washing machines because washing clothes was boring, we invented calculators because math was too hard.

And now we have invented AI because thinking is apparently next. This is progress, inevitable – soul-snatching – water-guzzling – electricity-hungry – creativity-siphoning – convenience-addicted – intellectually numbing – progress.

Besides, it’s not like I don’t think. I still think.

I just think about what prompt to write that will yield the best results. 

The future is bright

I sometimes wonder what university will look like in ten years.

Maybe students won’t write assignments anymore, maybe AI will attend lectures for us, maybe AI will sit for exams, maybe one day I will receive my degree and realise I was not actually enrolled at university.

I was simply subscribed to a very advanced chatbot.

But honestly, I am not worried. Because AI is not replacing students, it is helping us become better students.

It lets us work faster, learn more efficiently and spend less time doing things we don’t particularly want to do.

And if that means I occasionally submit an essay I cannot explain, forget everything I studied five minutes after an exam, or ask a chatbot whether I should go to class, I don’t see the problem.

Education is about learning how to use the tools available to us.

I use AI, AI uses electricity, electricity comes from power plants and power plants keep civilisation running.

Therefore, technically, I am the one moving civilisation forward.
Bow to me, peasants!