It seems the state is finally concerned about its citizens, and various programmes are being implemented in order to meet the people’s needs.

One thing that is common among all of these programmes is the introduction of cards. That’s right, no more bureaucratic roundabouts are in effect, and holding a benevolent card is the ‘smart’ way to move forward.

In light of these developments, we here at TBS Graduates are thinking of introducing a card of our own. A card like no other.

Whilst every other government-issued card addresses a specific problem, our card aims to do none of that. You might even say it finds a solution to a non-existent, inconsequential problem: the problem of not having good satire ideas.

Don’t get us wrong. We do write good-quality satires. Some, certainly not us, think that we write the best satires and that no other outlet even comes close, but this supreme achievement does come with a backbreaking burden.

Whenever there’s an issue worth mimicking, you can expect us to be on top of it. But recently, the ideas are not coming as naturally as expected.

Some of our writers have even begun pausing mid-sentence, unsure whether an idea qualifies as satire or just an opinion waiting for approval.

Maybe it is because a few of our writers are going through their midterms, while the rest are hospitalised after writing their 40th interview article.

Whatever the case may be, not writing satires cannot be an acceptable outcome.

That is why the Satire Card is to be introduced from our end. At first, our contributors will be given these cards as a pilot project.

They will be required to put the cards under their pillow for smooth access to the highly coveted “wit fairy”.

An entity not unlike the tooth fairy, but whose main job is not to leave money, but to leave something more precious: unwanted, irrelevant satire ideas.

A few have already asked whether higher-performing satires originating from the cards will come with additional privileges, such as priority publication or reduced editorial questioning. TBS Graduates wants to answer these concerns with utmost sincerity:

– NO CHANCE IN HELL!

Most of our writers are not highly enthusiastic about it, while more sensible and clever ones are quiet. In recent meetings, silence has increasingly been interpreted as compliance, which is good and appreciated, and hesitation as a lack of creative discipline.

Nonetheless, the Satire Card is designed not just to organise humour, but to solve the real crises of content writing, such as overcomplicated headline disorders, unwarranted Real Madridism, and the dangerous belief that every over-hyped business competition winner deserves an investigative interview article.

For sceptical ones, we at TBS Graduates want to express that the “wit fairy” has signed an exclusive contract with us, and she will not be travelling anywhere else with her ideas.

And for the reluctant ones who question our methods, we hope for them a speedy resurgence of sensible faith, as not getting the fairy’s blessing may result in not getting their contributor bills.

We of course kid. Or do we?